Point of view

I generally think Maltin's reviews
 are spot on, but that doesn't mean I'll
 always agree with his review.

Everyone has a point of view.  And, usually, those points of view are different from person to person.  What is pleasing to one person is hideous to another.  What is enjoyable to one person is mundane to another.  So how do we really know what is fun, what is beautiful.  The saying goes that these things are "in the eye of the beholder."  But why isn't there a universal beautiful, why isn't there a universal fun?  It's these differences in perception that make every human unique and individual.  So why then, do we rely so heavily on the opinions and influences of others?  If I, per se, want to go see a movie, but don't know which movie to see, I might go check out Roger Ebert's website, or read one of Leonard Maltin's books on movie reviews before deciding which film to watch.  After doing so, I pick a movie that had a 5 star review, go watch it, and end up disappointed.  I didn't enjoy the movie, for whatever reason.  So why did the critic's perception of this "great" movie vary so greatly from my perception of the movie as a "snooze fest."  Again, it's the intricacies of the human mind and what each and every one of us enjoys or finds pleasurable.  And again, we all spend a lot of time looking to others for confirmation of our opinions. Why do we care what other people think?

I've spent a great deal of my life interested in other people's opinion.  Their opinion of me, my looks, my brain, my girlfriend, my house, my car, my everything.  Why?  Well, for me, it was to gain acceptance from friends and validation that my choices were good ones.  If my friends and family approved of my choice in a girlfriend, then I probably had a good looking one, at least by public perception.  If they disapproved, then probably, she wasn't all that pretty to begin with and I was just not seeing the truth.  But why did I place so much value in those opinions, I've ruined a few perfectly good relationships because I couldn't get over the thought that the girl was "conventionally" beautiful.  She was to me, or I wouldn't have been dating her.  But I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that she might not be pretty to other people and I had to have a girl that others drooled over.  But why?  What's the point.  I've had that perfect girl before, but wasn't ready for the attention that it brought and screwed it up.  I've had the "unconventional" girl, too; the one I thought was beautiful and enjoyed being with immensely.  That one was better for me emotionally, and I had more fun in it.  There's an old song called "If you want to be happy" by Jimmy Soul.  The chorus to the song goes:

          If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
             Never make a pretty woman your wife
             So from my personal point of view
             Get an ugly girl to marry you
And while I thought that was a funny song growing up, there's a small bit of truth to the song.  "Ugly" girls are more likely to stay with you and try to please you because they don't want to lose what they have.  This is versus the "pretty" girls who know they can get any guy they want and don't hesitate to point that out and reduce your pleasure because of it.  Now, that doesn't mean I want an ugly girl, just that I am no longer going to care what society thinks of my choices.  I choose what I find to be beautiful. I don't need a "trophy" wife.  I need happiness and all that a relationship that gives me that comes with.

But what about my family and friends.  I'm still trying to gain their respect.  My parents don't live my life and my friends don't pay my bills.  I do.  So why should I care?  Society wants us to conform to their standards and many of us do.  I find myself always trying to conform to others standards.  Standards of dress and etiquette. Standards of behavior.  Standards of business.  I've slowly, through the years, grown tired of the standards.  I'm ready to break out of the standard cycle and find my own path.  I don't care what people think of me anymore.  That was my first choice.  I didn't care that they couldn't get my name right or that they thought I dressed like a homeless man.  I don't care that I dress up well and can look like a prince when I shave. I hate shaving.  So why do I?  Only for work, because standard business practices say you have to present a certain image to the public of that business.  For others, it might be hair style or color, or tattoo or piercings that are visible.  While I'm not getting a Mike Tyson full facial tattoo anytime soon, I no longer think of his choice of appearance to be stupid, but rightly of his choice to express himself in whatever

way he chooses. Now, the tricky part to this is that I still want to earn the respect of people I know, especially my family, but I'm no longer going to conform to their way of thinking.  I'm going to hope that they understand that decision and respect me for my choices, just as I respect Mr. Tyson's.  The rest of the standards are going to be hard for me to shake.  I still feel the need to conform to business standards, in that I shave for work, at least those that I present myself as the image of that company.  When I'm behind the scenes, I don't shave.  And often get chided for looking like Grizzly Adams with a crappier looking beard.  But I'm starting to feel like people are using me to their own gain, and not really helping me reach my goals.  So, I'm quickly coming to the conclusion of if I want some help, I need to help myself.  And I encourage everyone else out there to do just that.  If you feel like you do more than expected, put yourself in a better position to be recognized for that work.  Don't expect the boss to see you do it, or reward you for it.  Make it known.  The squeaky wheel gets the oil.  No more hanging back in the shadows, no more tip toeing around people's feelings.  It's my life, and I'm tired of conforming to other's standards.